Most people have figured out the right framing for virtual calls. No, you should not show your nostrils.
But how can you use distances to your advantage when you communicate?
It’s one of the many skills I teach to more than 240k followers on Tik Tok.
In today’s newsletter, we will discuss how to manipulate distances to create connections:
The Science of Distance
This Week’s Practical Tip: Manipulating Distance
Next Week’s Topic
The Science of Distance
A few months ago, I was training three fashion executives for on camera interviews.
When two of the three executives saw how close our chairs would be for filming they commented. “It’s so intimate.”
Without realizing it, they picked up on the idea of proxemics, or how we use space in a social interaction. If our distance to another person doesn’t match our relationship to the other person, the interaction can feel off.
Whether it’s in person, or virtually— expert communicators understand they should adjust where they stand to create the relationship they want.
Here are standard distances and the relationship that each conveys:
This Week’s Practical Tip: Manipulating Distances
Now that you know the measurements, how do you manipulate them to change a relationship from standard to intimate— or vice versa? There are physical and verbal cues.
Let’s start with making a conversation more intimate to create an alliance:
Physical
Take a half-step towards them, then pause
Angle your body slightly toward them (so you are not facing them head-on)
Lower your voice—people naturally lean in.
If they stay, you’re more connected. If they lean-in or step back, you’ve got your answer.
Verbal
These sentences create permission to get closer:
“Can I run something by you real quick?”
“This is kind of personal, but…”
“Let me tell you something off the record.”
You’ll see the other person often choose to move closer and close the distance themselves.
If you want to signal distance or professionalism, do not step back dramatically—instead you should hold the line.
Physical
Square your shoulders rather than angling in
Keep objects between you (table, chair, notebook)
Maintain full voice volume
Stay at or beyond 4 feet away
Verbal
“What usually works for teams is…”
“What we’re seeing across the company…”
“I appreciate you sharing that. From a work standpoint, what we need to focus on is…”
The same rules apply virtually. If you want a zoom to seem more personal, fill 60-70% of your computer frame with your head and torso and look directly into the camera.
If you are seated more than two feet away from the computer screen, the other person will feel the distance between you.
Book a 1:1 coaching assessment
You’ll share what you’re hoping to improve, and I’ll ask a few targeted questions while observing how you communicate.
Next Week’s Topic
The key to manipulating distances is to read the other person. If they mirror your movement, you’ve achieved your goal.
Next week, we will focus on the beginning and the end of a conversation — and a foolproof strategy to enhance both.
If you enjoyed this newsletter, I hope you’ll share it! Thank you for reading.
