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When I posted this video about “how to tell someone they smell,” I wasn’t sure how viewers would respond.
The idea came from a co-founder who asked me this exact question during a training session. This is how many of my TikTok topics begin.
Before I posted it I thought: Is this too awkward? Does anyone actually want to hear about this?
More than 320,000 people did, along with hundreds of comments about their own experiences.
It made me think about the poll I gave you last week. You picked "how to tell someone they’re difficult to work with” as this week’s topic.
So much of what makes these kinds of conversations work is how you say it, when you say it, and what the other person sees on your face while you’re saying it.
That’s the human part of communication AI can’t script for you. It requires reading the other person and responding in real time.
If you’re in charge and need to have a hard conversation, here are some practical ways to do it:
Set the stage
Set the stage
Research on feedback shows we are all less receptive when it threatens our sense of self or when we don’t trust the person giving it.
Your job is to make it clear: I’m here to talk about something that could make working together better.
How do you do that?
Schedule a private 30-minute meeting.
Ideally, have the meeting occur within a few days. Don’t let it hang over their head for two weeks.
Give them enough context that they aren’t blindsided, but not so much that they spend the next few days worrying about it.
Try:
“I’d like to talk about how we work together. Nothing is wrong, but there are a few things I think could make our working relationship stronger.”
If this was forwarded to you, but you’d like to improve your communication for free every week:
What to say, with sample scripts
1. Start gently, and watch your body language.
Don’t launch into the criticism the second they sit down, start with small talk.
Keep your tone calm, your face relaxed and your posture open. Make eye contact, but don’t stare them down.
You want your body language to say: I’m having a hard conversation with you because I want to help, not I’ve already decided you’re the problem.
2. Talk about the behavior, not the person.
This is where being specific really matters.
Don’t say, “You’re difficult.” Give them something they can actually understand and change.
“I’ve noticed that in meetings, when someone disagrees with you, you sometimes interrupt before the other person has finished. I think it’s making it harder for people to speak openly.”
Notice “I” instead of “we.” You don’t want them to feel like everyone has been talking about them or that they’re being ganged up on.
If they cross their arms, avoid eye contact or get angry, stay calm and restate the goal.
“You’re so valuable to this team, and I wanted to address this with you one-on-one.”
3. Make it a conversation, not a unilateral verdict.
Once you’ve said what you need to say, give them a chance to respond:
“How does that land with you?”
“Is that something you’ve noticed?”
“Is there something I’m missing?”
Don’t ask for their perspective while shaking your head, crossing your arms or looking annoyed.
If you want an honest response, your body language needs to show that you’re genuinely open to hearing it.
This week’s funny
Want to work together or have a topic you want me to cover?
Email me: [email protected].
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