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Think about the last time your boss or a client asked you a question.
Maybe it was:
"Can you have this done by Monday?"
Most people hear that and start thinking about their workload and whether Monday is realistic.
But that's only the first layer of the question.
The second layer is:
"Can I depend on you?"
One thing I've learned after twenty years of interviewing people—and now training executives and their teams—is that the strongest communicators answer both.
The good news is that it's a skill you can learn!
Once you do, you'll start hearing what other people miss.
It is a powerful advantage in both business and life.
In this week's newsletter, we'll cover:
Politeness Theory
So why don't we all just ask what we really mean?
Communication researchers have found that we often communicate indirectly when a direct question could make someone feel uncomfortable or strain our relationship.
It’s called Politeness Theory.
Instead of asking the question we really care about, we often ask one that feels easier to answer.
Then we use that response to fill in the blanks ourselves.
Once you realize it's happening, you'll start hearing conversations differently.
This Week's Tip: Pause, Think, Respond
1. Pause Before You Answer
Most people answer a question as soon as the other person stops talking.
The best communicators wait a few seconds to ask themselves:
"What problem is this person trying to solve?"
Let me give you a better example:
Your VP asks, "Can you join the client meeting tomorrow?"
Before answering, you think:
"She probably wants to ensure the client has enough support."
So instead of saying,
"Sure, I can be there."
You say,
"Absolutely. I'll join, and I'll come prepared to answer any implementation questions so the client leaves with a clear plan."
The pause changed your answer from availability to reassurance.
2. Finish With a Recommendation
When someone asks for information, they're often trying to make a decision.
Don't stop with the facts. Tell them what you would do!
A colleague asks, "Have you looked at the new proposal?"
Before answering, you pause and think:
"They're probably deciding whether it's ready to move forward."
Instead of saying,
"Yes, I read it."
You say,
"Yes. I'd make one change to the opening, then I'd send it. I don't think it's worth delaying another week."
If this was forwarded to you and you want weekly insights like this:
3. Check Your Assumption
One of the nuances of answering both layers of a question is remembering that the hidden question is your interpretation, not a fact.
If you're unsure, give the other person a chance to confirm it.
Example:
A team member asks,
"Can we talk about my role?"
Before answering, you think:
"They could be asking about responsibilities, growth, or something else entirely."
So instead of guessing, you say:
"Of course. Before we jump in, can I ask what's prompting the conversation?"
That one follow-up question often uncovers the real issue and helps you respond to the conversation they actually wanted to have.
This Week’s Funny
If you're learning from these newsletters, your team will too. Forward this to them!
Interested in working together? Email me at [email protected].
Now for your funny:
HR and IT need to work as one. Here's how
Every missed onboarding step, delayed offboard, or broken provisioning handoff has a root cause: HR and IT aren't aligned. This guide gives both teams a shared framework for the full employee lifecycle.
